I Am Never Without It
by Kairos27
Summary: "Everybody thinks she's a bad person, but she's not." Brittany has always been wisest when it comes to Santana.


"Everybody thinks she's a bad person, but she's not."

Brittany S. Pierce isn't the smartest. She knows that. The square root of four isn't rainbows; she knows this to be true now, after barely passing pre-algebra. Recipes are still confusing, and she still doesn't know how to turn on a computer. She's been called stupid so many times from here to forever, and yes, it hurts, especially when you know you're not always.

"God, Brittany, why are you so stupid?"

Artie's mad, and Brittany has known it was going to happen once he brought up Santana, but Artie saying so isn't the same as Santana sniping that 'breakfast is confusing for you'. The difference being that she has no idea how to defend herself from Artie. It always comes so easily with Santana.

Who isn't a bad person, by the way, despite what everyone thinks.

Because the moment the word 'stupid' leaves Artie's mouth, the part of Brittany that was Santana Lopez until the day she said _I love you_ and fled, suddenly awakens and rears up like an angry bear - even as the rest of Brittany crumbles at the word that Artie never used until now. _Leave Brittany alone,_ Santana's faraway voice snarls in Brittany's head, as the gulf widens and the angry heat of tears flares up behind her eyelids.

She storms away from her locker and Artie with the angry heat of tears behind her eyelids. _You're not stupid you're not stupid_, Santana's voice repeats until it fades after the fourteeth. And she's right, she knows it's right. After all, are any of the other Brainiacs perceptive enough to know when an animal is trying to talk to them? How else did they think she knew all that stuff about cat diseases: don't they realize how easy it is when she has a cat who smokes?

And who else at this school is smart enough to realize that the biggest, meanest bitch in school is lonely and afraid and hates herself more than she hates anyone else in the entire world?

Believing that isn't stupid when it's the _truth_.

Brittany knows herself better than anyone does. She's not the smartest, but she's not stupid. Not when it comes to Santana.

* * *

><p>Santana was the first person to call Brittany stupid and mean it. But that very same Santana came back an hour later and had said, remorsefully, "Don't you <em>ever<em> let me call you stupid again," and hugged her in the way that Santana has always hugged her - arms around Brittany's shoulders, chin tucked into the side of Brittany's neck. And it was so: Brittany never lets Santana call her stupid again, and Santana never does.

Yes, Santana is a bully. She's Brittany's best friend, but she isn't always the best kind of best friend. She starts fights in the hallways despite knowing that Brittany hates violence. She has sex with people she doesn't even care about. She didn't sing a duet with Brittany because she isn't as brave as Brittany used to believe. She single-handedly destroyed that weird love polygon thing that Finn and Rachel and Quinn and Sam had going on. She's dating Karofsky, of all people, and didn't even have the decency to let Sam down easy. She hates people so viciously to the point that it isn't fair to them.

And she loves Brittany so desperately to the point that it isn't fair to Artie.

It isn't fair to anyone, really, because when Santana gets hurt, she will hurt everybody in return. It doesn't matter if the plumbing is different. It's cheating and it's unfair to Artie, and she's hurting Santana because she wants to stop hurting Artie.

Brittany sometimes wonders if it's worth it. She wonders if Santana's worth the hurt. Brittany hates hurting. It feels bad.

And then she remembers how she was on her way home the day they'd sung "Born This Way" and saw Santana come out of the auditorium alone. Santana didn't see her, but Brittany saw the words LEBANESE across her chest as she slunk off in the opposite direction.

Santana loves her and she's scared. And Brittany realizes that she loves Santana too much to leave her the way she is, but the hurt buries the truth like a dog buries a bone. Santana still lashes out at everyone in glee club, still won't give up with Karofsky (it's gross), still won't stop hating herself so much that she puts herself through stuff like that.

* * *

><p>But she's not a bad person. Brittany knows this, when Santana comes up to her in the hallway, looking concerned. She'd been mad about the Fondue For Two thing, but she doesn't look mad at all now. She looks like she's forgotten all about it, actually.<p>

"Hey. Are you okay?"

It all comes spilling about, about Artie calling her stupid, and Santana reaches one arm around her and strokes her hair gently. Out of the corner of her eye, Brittany sees people glancing sideways at them, obviously trying to make a connection with what they read in the Muckraker and what they are seeing now.

But then, with a sudden rush of happy pride, Brittany realizes that Santana _isn't_ noticing the talks and the looks. She's too focused on Brittany.

Santana taps Brittany's nose - has Santana _ever_ done that in school before? - and wraps her other arm around Brittany before leading her away. Hope surges within Brittany, despite the niggling knowledge that Santana's very nature will cause her to retreat once again.

Soon.

Brittany just hopes it's not _too_ soon. Because she knows better than ever before that Santana's not a bad person. There's just too much to love about her, and Brittany wonders why Santana can't see herself the way Brittany does.

Because Brittany sees love.


End file.
